Today is/was/should be my mom's birthday. She died in 1995 from complications of diabetes. She was 54 years old and had been living with diabetes for 51 yrs.
She missed so many life cycle events: my girls b'nai mitzvah (they had their bat mitzvahs together), Mrs. H's wedding, the births of both my niece and nephew and so many other meaningful moments. I've been sitting here writing and re-writing what I'm trying to say. I've written and written and deleted and deleted. All of the stuff I wrote was too personal, too sad. If you have lost a parent, you understand. If you haven't, my wish for you is that you go well into adulthood before you understand. I had a good cry and the bottom line is that I miss her. I just wasn't through with her yet. Selfish but true. I just wasn't ready to give her up or live without her. I still need her guidance and example of dignity and strength. So now I'm the mom. I'm the one giving the guidance and setting the example. I only hope that I am doing my job as well as she did hers.
Memories that I typed but don't want to delete.......
- When I went off to college (I'm the oldest) my mom went into my room and sprayed some of the perfume I left behind just because she missed me. I was obviously touched by this knowledge because I still remember her face when she told me.
-Our moving to Texas was very difficult for both my children and parents. We were the first (actually only in our extended family) to move away. When my mom and dad came for their first (and only visit), they arrived before my girls were out of school. My mom was so excited to go pick them up. We were waiting by the van and my mom was anxiously scanning the children pouring out of the school. She kept saying, "Where are they? Where are they?" Mrs. S. (then Ms. S) burst out the door of the school. They caught sight of each other at the same moment and like a movie first walked and then began running towards one another. They met in the middle of the street and my mom just couldn't stop hugging Mrs. S. It is a memory burned into my heart.